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A LETTER FROM ABADANI WORKER

    This letter was written by an employee of the NIOC (National Iranian Oil Company) back in the I960’s to his American boss, Mr.Hamilton.
    Dear Mr.Hamilton
I, the undersigned, have worked in the NIOC in Abadan for three years, but since Mr.Ahmadi transferred here everything has changed.
I don’t know “what a wet wood I have sold him” that from the very first day he has been “pulling the belt to my lift” With all kinds of “cat dancing” he has tried to become the “eye and the light” of Mr.Wilson.
He made so much “mouse running” that finally Mr.Wilson “became donkey”, and appointed Mr.Ahmadi as his right hand man, and told me to work “under his hand”
    Mr.Wilson promised me that next year he would make me his right hand man, but “my eye didn’t not drink water”, and I knew that all these were “hat play”, and he was trying to put a “hat on my head” I “put the seal of silence to my lips” and did not say anything. Since that he was just “putting watermelon under my arms” Knowing that this transfer was only “good for his aunt”, I started begging him to forget that I ever came to see him and forget my visit altogether. I said “you saw camel, you did not see camel”... .but he was not “getting of the devils donkey”.. .“what headache shall I give you” I am now forced to work in the mail house with bunch of “blind, bald, height and half height” people. “Imagine how much my ass burns”
    Now Mr.Hamilton, “I turn around your head” you are my only hope and my “back and shelter”... .“I swear you to the 14 innocents” please “do some work for me”....”in the resurrection day I'll grasp your skirt”... .“I have six head bread eaters” I am afraid “I will eat ground”  “I kiss your hand and legs”
Your "servant".
h

 
 

THE BRAVE ARMENIAN

An Armenian, a German and a Turk got arrested consuming alcohol which is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia , so for the terrible crime they are all sentenced 20 lashes each of the whip.  
As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik announced:
"It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."  
The German was first in line; he thought for a while and then said:
"Please tie a pillow to my back."  
This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes & the German had to be carried away bleeding and
crying with pain.  
The Turk was next up. After watching the German in horror he said
smugly: "Please fix two pillows to my back."  
But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes & the Turk was also led away whimpering loudly.  
The Armenian was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said:  
"You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"  
"Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness," The Armenian replied.  
"In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes."  
"Not only are you an honorable, h andsome and powerful man, you are also very brave." The Sheik said with an admiring look on his face.  
"If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it." And what is your second wish?" the Sheik asked.  
The Armenian smiled and said, "Tie the Turk to my back" !!! 

 
  ABADANI AND ELBOW

An Abadani is giving directions to his Friend who is coming to visit with his wife from Tehran.
"You come to the front door of the apartment.  I am in apartment 301 .
There is a bigger panel at the front door.  With your elbow, push the button 301.
I will buzz you in.  Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell."
"My Friend, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?                              "What . . . . . .. .. Your coming empty handed?"
 
 

TITANIC

An Abadani [with dark skin as usual] goes to Armenia, as soon as he arrives to the airport in Armenia , he realizes he has lost his passport. He looks around and he sees an American passport in the corner of the room on the ground. He picks up the passport and it is Leonardo De Capario's passport, he thinks well it is an American passport and they are foreigners so they might not realize it is not his picture, so when his turn came and he approached the Armenian guy at the counter in immigration, he presented the passport to the guy.
The Armenian guy looked at the passport and looked at the black man in amazement, then he turned to his buddy standing next to him and said "
Araa, ed Titanice, khordagvav te varvave???"

 
 

تهرانیه داشت واسه آبادانیه خالی می بست می گه من یه سگ دارم وقتی میاد خونه در میزنه ...ابادانیه میگه :ولک مگه سگت کلید نداره

 
     
 

تو رشت زلزله مياد و زن رشتيه ميمونه زير آوار و ميميره رشتيه مياد بالا سر زنش و ميگه بميرم برات ، فقط ديوار روت نخوابيده بود که حالا خوابید

 
     
 

یک روز ترکه از یکی میپرسه ساعت چنده ؟ میگن : سه و نیم. ترکه میگه : دارم دیوونه میشم از صبح تا حالا هرکی یه چیزی گفته

 
 

تركه مي ره دكتر ميگه آقاي دكتر به نظر شما من 100 سال عمر مي كنم؟دكتر ميگه:سيگار مي كشي؟ميگه:نه.عرق؟نه.ترياك؟نه.غذاي چرب؟نه.خانم بازي؟نه. دكتر ميگه:پس مي خواي 100 سال زنده بموني چه غلطي بكني؟

 
 

ترکه میره آزمایشگاه پرستار لیوان رو میده دستش میگه برو پایین تو این ادرار بکن ترکه میره ادرار میکنه میاد به پرستار میده پرستار میگه خوب حالا برو بالا ترکه هم میگه به سلامتی شما و دکتر لیوان رو سر میکشه

 
 

تركه با دوست دخترش ميرن پارك تركه ميگه :عزيزم اگه اين درخت كاج زبون داشت الان به ما چي ميگفت ؟ دختره ميگه اگه زبون داشت ميگفت كره خر من زردآلوام نه كاج

 
     
 

زن: عزیزم! یادته روز خواستگاری وقتی ازت پرسیدم چرا می خوای با من ازدواج کنی، چی گفتی؟ شوهر: آره، خوب یادمه، گفتم: می خواهم یک نفر را در زندگی خوشبخت کنم. زن: خوب، پس چی شد؟ شوهر: خوب، خوشبخت کردم دیگه. زن: کیو خوشبخت کردی؟
شوهر: همون بیچاره ای رو که ممکن بود با تو ازدواج کنه!

 
  دوتا خانم داشتند با هم صحبت می کردند. یکی شون که ازدواج کرده بوده به اون یکی میگه: فکرشو بکن دیروز یکی توی فروشگاه منو دوشیزه خانم صدا کرد
اون یکی میگه: خوب بابا حق داشته دیگه، اون فکر کرده آخه کی ممکنه تو رو گرفته باشه
 
 

زن از شوهرش می پرسه: عزیزم! تو زن خوشگل دوست داری یا زن با شعور؟ 
شوهرش می گه: هیچ کدوم عزیزم! من تورو دوست دارم 

 
 

خداوند زن را آفريد تا هيچ مردي به مرگ طبيعي نميرد!

 
 

یک روز یک دختره به دوست پسرش میگه عزیزم اگه ما ازدواج کنیم باز هم با این حرارت با من حال میکنی پسره میگه اگه شوهرت اجازه بده چراکه نه

 
 

مرد به سرعت به خانه امد و فریاد زد عزیزم ساکتو ببند .من همین الان ۱۰ میلیون دلار برنده شدم . زن : ساکها رو برای ساحل ببندم یا کوه . مرد : مهم نیست فقط ساکتو ببندو از جلو چشام دور شو

 
 

یک روزصبح مادر زن میره دم در خونه دخترش دامادشدر را باز میکنه و میگه شب بخیر مادرزن میگه که الان که شب نیست داماد میگه آخه من هر وقت شما را میبینم دنیا جلو چشام سیاه میشه

 
     
 

چند دقيقه بعد از مراسم خواستگاري .مادر داماد ببخشيد ميشه واسه پسرم زيرسيگا ري بيارين؟خوانواده ي عروس:مگه سيگار هم ميکشه .نه آخه ميدونيد بعد از مشروب ميچسبه . چي مشروب؟آره آخه پسرم توي قمار باخته ناراحته ..

 
     
 

یه روز آشغالی میاد دمه خونه ی غضنفر میگه : آشغال دارین؟ غضنفر داد میزنه: خانوم توی خونه آشغال داریم ؟ زنش میگه: آره داریم غضنفر میگه: آره داریم، نمی خوایم

 
 

راننده تاکسی: خانم شما امروز سومین خانم حامله ای هستید که من می برم فرودگاه مسافر خانم: ا چه جالب، ولی من که حامله نیستم راننده: آخه ما هنوز به فرودگاه نرسیدیم!

 
 

لاته رو میبرن کلانتری. لاته میگه: واسه چی منو آوردید اینجا؟ بهش میگن: برای عرق خوری ! لاته میگه: ا دمتون گرم پس بریز بخوریم

 
     
 

اصفهانيه داشته رو خودش آب يخ ميريخته ، ميگن چرا اينجوري ميكني؟ ميگه مي خوام سرما بخورم. ميگن چرا؟ ميگه اخه يه پنيسلين دارم داره تاريخش ميگذره!

 
 

بلیطای اصفهان از 20 تومان به 10 تومان کاهش پیدا میکنه اصفهانیا اعتراض میکنند ازشون میپرسن واسه چی اعتراض کردین میگن چون قبلا که پیاده می رفتیم 20 تومن به نفعمون بود اما حالا 10 تومن به نفعمونه .

 

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